Can I be honest?

I need a pick-me-up, and I don't know what its going to take to pick me up! I am really struggling lately with a lack of motivation, and honestly, I feel like I am in a funk.

My job is really getting to me. I work in a small medical office and my title is "Office Manager." Well, that really doesn't make me feel good about myself, because I am the ONLY employee, other than my boss. Basically all of the daily ins and outs of the office are my responsibility. I bill insurance companies, schedule patients, answer the phone, order supplies, and so on. Its pretty much a secretary job, and I hate it. It pays the bills, though, so I don't complain most days.

Here's the thing, since I am the only one working in the office, anything that happens is always my fault, or at least thats how my boss sees it. I have to take the rap for everything. When I started this job, I was only hired as an "assistant" to the previous office manager. At the time, I had no previous experience in this field. Five months after I started, the previous office manager was fired, and I was left hanging, to learn the trade on my own. My boss has NO IDEA how to do my job, and if I were to die today, he would probably have to close his doors because money would no longer be coming in.

Because I bill the insurance companies, I carry all of the monetary responsibility for this company on my back. If I don't do something right, the money doesn't come in, the bills don't get paid, I don't get a paycheck, and I don't have a job. I HATE that kind of responsibility, and it really stresses me out. I never asked for that when I was hired, and if I had known this was going to happen, I probably would have never taken the job in the first place. The worst part is that I am alone pretty much all day, everyday. If I have a problem, I have to figure out a way to solve it on my own. I have no one here to help me, and no one I can call if I need help. About a year ago, when the other office manager left, I was pretty much thrown to the wolves, and left to survive.

I am really struggling because I just do not have any motivation to continue working. If Hal and I didn't need to save money, I would have quit a year ago. I am not a quitter, but I am way to inexperienced to have such responsiblity. Every single morning that I get out of bed, I try to think of some excuse not to go to work that day. This is so unlike me, because I am a hard worker. I am going to be quitting for good in August since I will be back in school full time. I am not sure I can make it 6 more months, though. Honestly, I just don't want to make it.

I have been praying about this situation, and patiently awaiting God's answer. I will continue to follow God's lead, but I am really struggling with the waiting right now.

On a good note, Hal and I went to small group last night and I really felt a connection with the scripture. It was something that I had been needing to hear for a long time, and it really opened my eyes. We got to play the Newlywed game with some other couples, and got to spend some quality time with our new church friends. I am so thankful for God bringing these people in my life.

Thankfully its Friday! I hope everyone has a great weekend!