Emotional Day

Yesterday was the 10 year anniversary of the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2011. Yesterday was a tough day, watching all of the footage from that awful day 10 years ago. I am glad they showed the footage, and I am glad I chose to watch. A day like that should never be forgotten, and the emotions that we all felt on that day should never go away. I felt yesterday, exactly like I felt 10 years ago. My heart was so heavy, and it loomed in the back of my mind all day long.

My emotions were all over the place. We watched the beginning of the Carolina/Arizona football game yesterday. During the national anthem, they spread an American Flag out over the entire field. Along with military personnel, the football players were helping to hold the flag. While Jordan Sparks was singing the national anthem the camera was scanning the players and the military men and women. I completely lost it when I saw these big rough and tough football players with tears streaming down their cheeks at the sound of The Star Spangled Banner. I watched a Budweiser commercial this morning and cried again. I am just so thankful for the life that I have been blessed with, and I am fortunate not to be missing anyone lost in that awful tragedy, or after.

On September 11, 2001 I was 17, sitting in my first period class at Byrnes High School - Spanish. Every morning we would watch Despierta America, the Latin American version of Good Morning America. That morning was no different, we were watching as usual. A little before 9 am the show's female anchor began frantically speaking about something in Spanish, and no one in our class understood. Ms. Senn's face wrinkled up and she quickly turned around toward the television in disbelief. She translated to us what they were saying, and it was bad news. One of the World Trade Center towers had been hit. From there Ms. Senn quickly flipped the TV to CNN. Our class was buzzing about how tragic it was that this plane went off course, and what a big mistake that must have been. Only two or three minutes went by while we were watching the footage, glued to the television, when into the screen comes another plane. I don't remember if we were silent or screaming, but I remember we were horrified, because we watched live as the second plane struck the second tower.

The rest of the day we did nothing but watch the footage in school. I am so grateful for our teachers, who allowed us to forfeit a day of learning from our textbooks so that we could watch what was going on just a few hundred miles north of us. I was so emotional that week, for many reasons, but I was 17 and I understood that there were many children, husbands, wives, mothers, and fathers who lost someone that day. What a tragedy.

Last night, my parents, Hal and I went to Gibbs Stadium at Wofford College to a memorial ceremony remembering 9/11/01. We went specifically to see the Marine Corps Silent Drill Team, but the rest of the ceremony was truly a blessing and very emotional.

Here are some pictures:

White doves were released at the beginning. I loved the flag flying on the ladder trucks.

Pipe band, representatives from all military branches, and the state flags to open the ceremony.

Helicopter fly over (they are flying away). I love this one of the flag.

Marine Corps Silent Drill Team entering the field.

The silent drill was AMAZING!

Rifle inspection, the BEST part of the drill. Seriously AMAZING!

21 gun salute

Pipe Band played Amazing Grace as the benediction. Love Amazing Grace on the Bag Pipes!

I really enjoyed gathering with our community to remember this event. The Marine Corps Silent Drill team was awesome! I had never seen them in person before, and I just cannot say enough about how great they were! If you haven't seen them, youtube them, or find out when they will be near you and GO SEE THEM!

I want to leave you with this uplifting video from 10 years ago. I love it!

Layla

So many of the blogs I follow are blogs of mommies with sweet babies. I sure do love looking at those sweet babies, but Hal and I don't have a human baby of our own. We have made the choice not to, and that is fine with us. Layla, our Pointer-mix, is our baby and we do spoil her rotten. Since you haven't seen her in a couple of years, here are just a few recent pics of her.

Last fall when our trees were cut down.

Looking at herself in the mirror.

Sweet pea.

This is her "spot" during the day, whether we are home or not. Our bed is HER bed when its daylight. :)

What I'm Loving Wednesday

I thought this week that I would participate in my own What I'm Loving Wednesday. I am not linking up with anyone, because I am actually writing this on Tuesday. :) Here are a few things I am loving lately.

Products:

Swiffer Duster. I just bought one last week and I freaking love it. This thing is amazing and cuts my dusting time in half!

Sally Hansen Commander in Chic nail polish. Its on my toes right now, and one of my favorite colors I've had in a long time!

Sweat Leaf Teas - Raspberry is my favorite.

My Diane von Furstenburg espadrille flats. I got them on sale during the summer and I have finally started wearing them since the weather has been a little cooler.

Music:

"Baggage Claim" Miranda Lambert

"Someone Like You" Adele

Food:

Salad Bar at Whole Foods - We've had it 3 times in the last week!

GBOH happy hour sushi

What are YOU loving right now?

Carolina vs. ECU

Hal and I made the decision on Wednesday of last week that we would go to the Carolina game this past weekend in Charlotte. Neither one of us had ever been to the first game of the season, home or away, so we thought it would be fun. Saturday morning, after I got a couple hours of sleep (I had to work Friday night), we headed to Charlotte for the game.

Truck is ready!

Stadium from where we parked. The building behind the stadium would light up during the game in the colors of the team that had the ball. Pretty cool.

BOA Stadium

My friend, Ashley, and me tailgating before the game. Go Alshon!

Hal and I once we made it into the stadium. It was about 1000 degrees and we looked it!

Inside of BOA stadium and the Charlotte skyline.

Gamecocks running on the field.

Game over! Happy Gamecocks!

The Gamecocks didn't play as well as we hoped they would in the first quarter, we were down 17-0 at one point. They finally started to rally back, but we were still losing 24-14 at halftime. No one knows what was said in that locker room at the half, but it really worked! In 5:31 into the 3rd quarter, Carolina had scored 3 touchdowns. We took the lead for good. The final score was 56-37, GO GAMECOCKS!

Fashion

Since I am actually getting a paycheck now, my love for fashion and beautiful things has been sparked once again. I know that I have to refrain myself from splurging on all of these beautiful things, but here are a few things I have my eye on for the fall.

Blue coral necklace by shopdesignspark.com

precious top by anthro, would love to wear with item below.

navy corduroy blazer, jcrew

jcrew boots

obsessed with this jcrew sweater

I do have other items on my wish list but I have to save SOMETHING for Christmas, right? I am so excited for the change of wardrobe coming soon! I usually get this way this time of year because I feel like I have worn out all of my summer clothes. I just can't wait to get out my Wallabees, skinny jeans, colorful flats, scarves and sweaters for the fall. I am sure it will be 100 degrees here in November, so I'm not getting my hopes up that my wardrobe will change anytime really soon. Ha!

A day in the life

I haven't told you all that much about my job since I started blogging again. My job is a big part of my life, and when I am not at work I am often thinking of work and my patients. So, in that case, I feel compelled to tell you about what I do.

When I started nursing school, I went with the intentions of one day getting a job in CVRU. Being in CVRU during my dad's open heart surgery was one of the catapulting reasons I went back to school to be a nurse. When I was offered a job in this unit immediately out of nursing school, many prayers were answered, and one of my dreams had been fulfilled.

I absolutely love my job. I could not imagine working anywhere else. I just never knew what kind of a toll it would take on me, emotionally.

Our patients come to us directly from the operating room. They do not go to a designated recovery; we are the recovery room essentially - cardiovascular recovery unit (CVRU). When the heart patients come back they are always on a ventilator and are always unconscious from sedation. They are immediately hooked up to about a thousand wires and tubes, and we are monitoring them second by second. We have a tool that even allows us to read measurements directly from their heart, because there is an actual monitoring device IN the heart. It is a very complex system, but obviously its for the best of our patients.

The families are often scared to death when they come in for the first time and take a look at their loved one covered in what I call the "spaghetti" of the tubes and wires, as well as the one large tube going down the throat to assist their breathing. I won't lie, when I saw my dad for the first time, I burst out crying. Yes, its pretty horrifying to someone who might not know what is going on.

Luckily our patients often only stay this way for about 12 hours, then are up in the chair and walking. That, to me, is such a reward. We work very hard to keep them stable throughout the night, and our reward at the end of the day is to get them up to the chair and let them walk first thing in the morning. This, of course, is after they have been off the ventilator for a while.

What I wanted to tell you about most, is how emotional it is. Not every patient in our unit successfully makes it through the open heart surgery process. We have a very low mortality rate, but we do have some who perish. In the months I have been there I have assisted with many "codes" where a patient expires and we do everything possible to bring them back to life. Unfortunately, none of the codes I have seen have been alive when all was said and done. Until last week, I had not had a patient of mine to die.

My patient had been in the hospital for a while and had just failed to thrive after OHS (open heart surgery). She was on and off the ventilator 2 times, before we had to put her back on it the last time for good. We knew she wasn't doing well. I had taken care of her many times, and I had become close to her and her family. I think they really did appreciate me and the work I was doing to help her.

I went into work one night last week, and when I got report on my patient, I knew that she wouldn't make it long, if she even made it through the night. I had a long, dreaded talk with her family, urging them not leave her, trying to explain that I didn't have a good feeling. Understandably, they had more hope than I had, and decided to go home for the night. At about 4 am the next morning, I had to make the dreaded phone call telling them they needed to come, their mother was not going to be alive much longer. My voice cracked at the end of the call, and I know her daughter heard the hurt in my voice. That was my very first phone call like that, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I didn't have time to cry, I just hoped I had it in me to keep their mother alive long enough for them to get there and love on her before she went on to heaven. Luckily, her family got there around 5 am and she lived until around 11 am, after I had ended my shift.

Since I have been in CVRU, this has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. It is not easy to see people struggling for their life on a daily/weekly basis. So many people have asked me, does it get easier to deal with. I have only been working in CVRU for 8 months, but no, it has never gotten easier. My answer to that question, though, is that I hope it never gets easier. Death is not something I ever want to be sensitized to, nor do I ever want to take it lightly.

I love my job, I love the people I work with, I love the patients I work with, and I love the opportunity I have been given. I know that God has placed me in this place for a reason, and I will continue to seek His will in those hard times, in all times. I hope that if nothing else, God can use me to be a Christian influence to those families that are going through the difficult times, which are almost all the patients we see.

Pray for me as I continue to follow this plan for my life that has been laid before me. I am so blessed to be chosen for this opportunity.

How do I know...

...that Fall is just around the corner?

I took this picture with my cell phone, it was about 1:00 pm. This milder weather is a welcome change!

The red berries have started to show up on our Dogwood tree.

Hal is back to playing softball with guys from his work.

This little beauty recently found its way into my closet courtesy of Anthropologie!

And of course, the true tell tale sign...

The only reason I have ever LOVED fall is because of football, but this year the weather change and the fact that I am NOT in school makes me very excited about the upcoming season.

22 more days until FALL!